简单英语笑话,人们什么时候说话最少?
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简单英语笑话,人们什么时候说话最少?

发布时间:2018-06-11     来源:大王  浏览次数:0
人们什么时候说话最少?

Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?   老师: 汤姆,“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?   Tom: Men.   汤姆:男人们。  Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?   老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?   Tom : Twins.   汤姆: 双胞胎。

最丑的孩子?

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." 一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车,司机看到后说:“额,那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." 女士走到车厢后面坐下,感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说:“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说:“你快上去斥责他。去吧,我替你抱着你的猴子。”

the woman who loves you most?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?' 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

"孩子"的复数形式

Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins. "孩子"的复数形式老师:汤姆,‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么? 汤姆:男人们。老师:答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢?汤姆:双胞胎。

冰箱里的小兔子

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. 一位女士打开冰箱门,发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上,就问它:“你在那里做什么?” The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" 兔子回答:“这是Westinghouse对不对?”(Westinghouse,西屋电气公司) The lady /confirm/ied, "Yes." 女士确认道:“没错。” "Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing." 兔子说:“那就对了,我就是要往西边去。” Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? 兔子:你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病? Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another. 医生:当然咯,凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。 Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? 兔宝宝:妈咪,我是从哪儿来的呢? Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older. 兔妈妈:等你长大点再告诉你。 Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. 兔宝宝:噢妈咪,现在就告诉我吧,求您了。 Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat. 兔妈妈:如果你一定要知道,那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。

他们都在这里

The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!" 典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情,因为每逢周末的探访日,大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访,但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一个探访日,典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说:“乔治,我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上:“告诉我,你没有任何朋友或家人吗?”乔治回答:“喔!当然有,典狱长,只不过他们全都在这里面!”

frog 青蛙

Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch." 老师正在给学生上生物课:“现在,我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。”接着,他把手伸进口袋,却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼,沉思了一会儿,说道:“真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。”

always thirsty 总感到口渴

"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一个男人对他的朋友说:“我动了一次手术,手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” "that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?" “真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道:“你觉得疼吗?” "no, but i am always thirsty!" “不疼,可是我总感到口渴!”

小孩你到底要闹那样

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest boy and returned to her. 一位女士圣诞节购物时丢了钱包。一个诚实的小男孩捡到了钱包,还给了她。 Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm...that's funny. When I lost my purse there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." 她看了看钱包,说:“嗯……真有趣。我丢钱包时,里面有一张20元的钞票。现在却有20张一元的钞票。” The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." 那个男孩马上回答说:“没错,太太。上次我捡到一位女士的钱包,她没有零钱酬谢。”

All Right 没关系

Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing. 我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去,在红灯处右拐了,而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。啊噢,意识到犯了错误,我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的,女儿回答说:我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。

Boss's idea

When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself. Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first." 由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来,我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的,他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。 他还说,如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费,让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。 当时我真的被他的话感动了,就问他:“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么?” “事实上,这就是我们老板的主意,”雇员答道:“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”

唯有我是司机

A short young man was running behind a bus which was full of passengers. But the bus still ran at a great speed.   "Stop, stop, " a passenger looked out of the window, and shouted at the young man, "you can't catch it ! "    "I must," the young fellow said, out of breath, "because I'm only driver of the bus. 在一辆满载乘客的公共汽车后面,一位小个子青年在奔跑着。气车仍在高速前进。 “停下吧,”一位乘客把头伸出窗子,对小个子喊道,“你追不上的!”    “我必须追上,”小个子气喘吁吁地说,“我是司机!”

Knights & Nights 黑暗时代

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages? Betty: Because they had so many knights. 老师:为什么有时我们称中世纪为黑暗时代呢? 贝蒂:因为那时有许多骑士。

是哪两个词?

What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear,” said the old lady,“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why,sure,Granny,”said the girl.“What are the two words?” 一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。“我亲爱的,”老夫人说:“我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’,另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?” “噢,当然,奶奶。”女孩说:“是哪两个词?”

我不敢想象

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." 客人:“为什么你的狗狗坐在那儿老是看着我吃东西呢?”旅馆主人:“我不敢想象,除非是因为你拿了它经常用来吃东西的盘子了。”

The Nice Wedding Gift

We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon. 我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘,所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显,这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信,因为我们收到了一张卡片,上面写着:“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物,我们期待着不久就用到它。”

Mental deficiency 智力缺陷

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." “医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”

他死了

If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die. She refused him. Sixty years later, he died. 如果你不答应嫁给我,他发誓,我就要去死。六十年后,他死了。


 
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