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简单英语笑话,The Doctor Knows Better

发布时间:2017-12-29     来源:大王  浏览次数:30
The Doctor Knows Better

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor. Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:“我想他伤得很厉害。” 医生说:“恐怕他已经死了。” 听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:“我没死,我还活着。” 妻子说:“安静,医生比你懂得多。”

Which Month Did He Go Away

When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect. The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away? 杰克给人鞠躬,飞快地一点头,就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说,下次鞠躬的时候,你就在心里数:一月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止,然后再直起身来。这样,礼节就周全了。 第二天,杰克见到他的叔叔,他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久,叔叔吃了一惊,赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看,其叔早已不知去向,他便问过路人:我叔叔几月走的?

太黑了,看不见

After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."   晚饭后,父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将,这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来,便对正在看电视的儿子说道:“宝贝,去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢?” 过了一会儿,儿子回来说:“妈,厨房里太黑了,我根本就看不见。”

年长者阶层

During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴,为此,他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日,并要求她还他一个吻。医生走后,我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗,”她说,“付了他70元,我还得亲他!”

I Understand Him我懂他的话

While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.   "Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.    "He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"    "I'm a dentist," my husband explained. 在饭店吃饭的时候,我申斥我4岁的儿子,因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”,我听到的就是这些。 “祖,”我责备道,“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱,”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道:“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. “你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信,先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦,那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后,她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

谁欠谁钱

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation. 律师的狗,没有拴而到处闲逛,它来到一家肉店,偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室,问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉,我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗?律师答道:“完全可以”,“那你欠我 8.50美元,你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”,律师什么都没说,马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后,店主打开邮箱,发现一封来自律师的信,信上写 道:咨询费250美元。

Lawyer and Engineer

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. 一个律师与一个工程师在加勒比海边钓鱼。律师说:“我到这里是因为我的房子被大火烧了,保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。” “这太巧了,”工程师说,“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了,保险公司也赔偿了所有的损失。” 律师看起来有些困惑,“你是怎么引起洪水的?”他不解的问。

天气怎么样

The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 新西兰的气候老师:马修,新西兰的气候怎么样?马修:先生,那里的天气很冷。老师:错了。马修:可是,先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

Five Months Older大五个月

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised. "How old are you?" he said. "Eighteen, sir," said John. "But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?" "Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am." 第二次世界大战开始了,约翰想参军,可他只有十六岁,当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时,他说他已经十八岁了。 可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天,而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时,感到非常惊奇。 “你多大了?”军医问。 “十八,长官。”约翰说。 “可你的哥哥也是十八岁,你们是双胞胎吗?” 约翰脸红了,说:“哦,不是,长官,我哥哥比我大五个月。”

The Cemetery Shortcut为抄近路走墓地

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. 万圣节派对过后,两男人图个乐呵,打算抄近路穿过墓地回家。 Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. 走到墓地中央时,他们被从迷雾中传来的“答、答、答”声惊吓到了。 Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. 正当两人害怕得浑身颤抖时,他们看到是个老头拿着铁锤和凿子,在一块墓石上凿着什么。 "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" “哇塞,先生,”其中一人喘了口气说,“你把我们吓得半死啊,我们还以为遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在这里做什么?” "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!" “那帮白痴!”老头抱怨道,“他们把我名字拼错啦!”

玩藏猫猫

A bunch of great, DEAD scientists were playing hide-and-seek in heaven. When it's Einstein's turn to be the seeker, he counted untill 100 and opened his eyes. All the others were hide, but only Newton were still standing there. 一群伟大的科学家去世后在天堂里玩藏猫猫。轮到爱因斯坦抓人,他数到100睁开眼睛,看到所有的人都藏起来了,只有牛顿还站在那里。

年少无知

Jimmy is three years old. 吉米3岁了。 One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!" 一天,他正在窗口观望,夜幕降临。他突然喊道:“妈妈,妈妈,快来关窗!” "Why? It's not cold, sonny." “为什么?天不冷呀,宝贝。” "Yes, mum, but the night will come inside." “是的,妈妈,可黑夜会进来。”

谁欠谁钱

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation. 律师的狗,没有拴而到处闲逛,它来到一家肉店,偷走了一块 烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室,问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉,我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗?律师答道:“完全可以”,“那你欠我 8.50美元,你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”,律师什么都没说,马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后,店主打开邮箱,发现一封来自律师的信,信上写 道:咨询费250美元。

老虎来了

When a Tiger comes Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you." 两个男人正在穿过丛林,突然,一只老虎出现在远处,向他们冲来。当中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”跑鞋,开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说,“你以为穿上跑鞋就可以跑得过老虎吗?” 他的朋友回答道:“我不用跑得过它,我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

迟到的原因The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'. 老 师:约翰尼,为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 约翰尼:每当我经过学校附近的拐角处,就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。

再见

Two tomatoes go shopping, a tomato suddenly walk fast, the second tomato asks: "where shall we go?" The first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?" 两颗番茄去逛街,第一颗番茄突然走得很快,第二颗番茄就问:“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答,第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答,所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说:“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?” On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home. As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey." Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie." My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money." 迪斯尼之旅 弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游,我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后,我们要回家了。 当我们驱车离开时,儿子挥手说:“再见,美奇。” 女儿挥着手说,“再见,美妮。” 丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手,说道:“再见,美元。”

小心有狗!

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!" 一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店,看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着,“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后,他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是,就是他”,店主回答。 听到这个回答, 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为,” 店主解释说,“在我帖告示之前, 大伙老被他绊倒。”


 
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