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英语幽默小笑话,Whats time to a pig?

发布时间:2017-12-21     来源:大王  浏览次数:0
Whats time to a pig?

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?" 一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说,“时间对猪有什么意义?”

The Three Stages of Man男性成长三阶段

He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus! 相信圣诞老人的存在。 不相信圣诞老人的存在。 自己是个圣诞老人!

我不能说是哪一年

Palmist: The life line in your hand tells that you will die in a year. Customer: Good gracious! In a year? Palmist: Yes, but I can't say in which.手相大师:你手上的生命线显示出你还有一年将会死去。顾客:天哪,一年后?手相大师:是的,可是我不能说是哪一年。

As If Awakening From A Dream

A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… " A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy." 以戒酒为主题的演讲比赛正在进行,一个演讲者动情地说:“酒精可以破坏夫妻关系,甚至导致妻子离开自己的丈夫……” 这时一个男人大声喊:“再来一瓶白兰地!”

狗也知道这个谚语吗?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。 “没有关系,”一位先生“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”

动机

My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother." 我们英文课的教授有一次在课上讲“动机”。“是什么推动你在人生的路上向前走?”他问道,“是什么让你每天上学来?又是什么驱使你追求成功?”冲着一个女学生,他问:“是什么让你早晨从床上爬起来的呢?”学生答道:“我妈妈。”

人们什么时候说话最少?When Do People Talk Least?

Student A: When do people talk least? Student B: In February. Student A: Why? Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year. 学生甲:人们在什么时候说话最少?学生乙:在二月。学生甲:为什么呢?学生乙:因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。

Improvement

One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." 一位学生对另一位说:“你的 英语 最近学的怎么样?”“很好,我过去不懂英国人说话,可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”

A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) . Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you. Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name. 女儿出生时,我们给她取名叫迈尔斯,和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字,不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。 几年以后,我觉得迈尔斯已经长大,能够懂事了。我对她解释说:你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字,因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。 迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下,然后说道:这些我都懂,妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

A Thank-you Note

once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. " 有一次,我收到一封感谢信,是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票,都被刮过了,露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助,”信上写道,“作为礼物,我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾,您没中奖。”

快速靠岸

A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?" 在休伦湖钓完鱼后,我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机,不过,他想,也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是,他爬到他的船里面,启动了无线装置,喊道,“求救,求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应,“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路,Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后,警官问我的朋友,“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”

Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two! 汤姆:妈妈,我可以吃两块蛋糕吗? 妈妈:当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!

最希望得到的签名

Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma." 我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。上周的问题是:“你最想要什么人的签名?为什么?”和预计的一样,大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是,最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生,他说:“在我毕业证上签字的那个人。”

a neuropathy

Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ... 有一个神经病,不知道从哪里弄来了一把手枪,他走在一条小黑胡同里。突然遇上一个年轻人,神经病二话不说将其按在地上用枪指着他的头。问道,一加一得几。年轻人吓坏了,沉思了很久。回答,等于二。神经病毫不犹豫的打死了他。然后把抢拽在怀里,冰冷的说了一句,你知道的太多了…

我娶了你的姐妹

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. 一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥,她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里,她穿上一套魔鬼戏服,躲在树后,准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。 When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. 当丈夫走近时,她从树后跳出来,站到他面前,头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴,手中握着钢叉。 "Who are you?" he asked. “你是谁?”丈夫问到。 "I'm the Devil!" she responded. “我是魔鬼!”她回答到。 "Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!" “噢,那你跟我一起回家吧,”丈夫说,“我娶了你的姐妹!”

The Name of a Poet

Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning? 我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。这个系统是这样的,她说,假定你要记住一个诗人的名字,例如,要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯,让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象,燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧! 我明白你的意思,班上的万事通说,但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?

A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航游

One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.   Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."    "I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year." 一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后,旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下,把他打昏了过去,并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人,付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分钟后,这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说:“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道,”第二个人说道,“去年是没有的。”

两块蛋糕

Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two! 两块蛋糕 汤姆:妈妈,我可以吃两块蛋糕吗? 妈妈:当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!


 
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