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英语笑话,1000元的脑筋急转弯

发布时间:2017-12-14     来源:大王  浏览次数:0
1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel. Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up? 圣诞节前夕,圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物,以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯,门还未开前,三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票,猜猜谁会将它捡起? Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist! 答案:当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

He is really somebody他真是一个大人物

My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery. 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 他真是一个大人物。干什么的? 墓地守墓人。

Imitation 模仿

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it. Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache. That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it. 一个男孩放学回家时,觉得肚子痛。来,坐下,吃点点心,妈妈说,你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。 一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了,说是头痛。 你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,他那聪明的儿子说,里面装点东西,就会好的。

"孩子"的复数形式

Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom? Tom: Men. Teacher: Good. And the plural of child? Tom: Twins. 老师:汤姆,‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么? 汤姆:男人们。 老师:答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢? 汤姆:双胞胎。

电脑问题

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?" 我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

I don't think I know-我不知道啊

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?" John: "What do you think it is, sir?" Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!" John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"‘ 老师:“John,动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。约翰:“你想它是什么呢”?老师:“我不用想,我知道!”。约翰:“我想我不知道”。

One Side of the Case 一面之辞

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand. "I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge. "Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.    "You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time." 一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。 “我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。 “你的右边耳朵听得见吗?”法官问道。那人点了点头。 “你将被允许加入陪审团,”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”

Big hands 大手

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? Student: Big hands. 老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么? 学生:大手。

太阳和月亮

Two boys are talking about the sun and the moon. "Which one of them is more useful?" asked one of them. 两个男孩在谈论太阳和月亮。“它们中哪个更有用?”其中一个问道。 "Of course the moon is. The moon is in the sky when it's dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody needs it." “当然是月亮。月亮在天黑时挂在天空,但太阳是在白天谁也不需要它时挂在天空。”

新老师

George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

借公牛一用

once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.   One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.    After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly. 从前,有个人很富有,但他不识字。 一天,他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛,便写了个条,让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿,然后说道:“好啦,我知道了。回去告诉你的主人,我马上自己过去。”

开卷考试

On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam. 我在加利福尼亚的圣玛丽亚市一所社区大学读书。期末考试那天,听说书店在回购我们的工商管理课本。考试前,我们几个赶忙跑到书店把书卖了,随后,我们坐在教室里等着考试。这时候教授宣布:考虑到试题的难度,今天的考试我们决定开卷。

谁的儿子最伟大

The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."  The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'." "My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.    " The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!" 四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士,”第一位母亲自豪地说道,“他进入房间,人们都说,‘您好,阁下’。” 第二为母亲说:“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间,人们都称,‘您好,大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教,”第三位母亲接着说,“他走进房间,人们都说,‘您好,尊敬的主教大人’。” 第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十,体重三百磅,”她说,“他要是走入房间,人们都说‘哦,我的上帝’!”

法官与小偷

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?” “I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner 圣诞佳节到来,法官心情愉悦的问受刑人: “你做了什么坏事啊?” “我今年圣诞节购物早了些。”犯人回答。 “那并不事件坏事”,法官说:“到底多早之前啊?” “商店开门之前。”犯人答道。

迟到

My Sister's Fingers Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time? Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home. Teacher: I don't see any bandages. Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail. 我妹妹的手指头老师:凯温,这次你怎么又迟到了?凯温:对不起,老师,我在家钉钉子,砸坏了两个手指头。老师:怎么没有扎绷带呀?凯温:噢,砸的不是我的手指头,我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

Beware of Dog! 小心有狗

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!" 一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店,看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着,“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后,他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是,就是他”,店主回答。 听到这个回答, 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为,” 店主解释说,“在我帖告示之前, 大伙老被他绊倒。”

Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "You've done the right thing," says Mommy. "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap." 小强尼说:“妈妈,今天早上和爸爸在公车上时,他叫我让座给一位女士。” 妈妈说:“你做得很对呀。” “但是,妈妈,我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”


 
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